| Ok, so this thing's not dead yet. |
[21 Oct 2002|03:33pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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"Keep Talking"--Pink Floyd |
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Alright. I've decided to start writing in this thing again. I just hope this account still works, hehehe.
First off. Base is pretty much dead. I just don't feel like Emu-ing anymore. If I do, then maybe you'll see Roms of the Week or game reviews or collaborations with Freak again. But for now? Just my thoughts, musings and insane ramblings.
*sigh* I hate my life. Anyway, A lot's been going on. Some of it's personal that I'm not going to get into, but I've gotten back in to Trek RP again. I'm on WBS, and I frequent the Nexus and Hawthorne Manor. I'm playing with Nine again (always a good thing.) and what's more important, she seems like she -wants- to RP wth me. I'm glad, I've always loved her. She's such a sweetheart.
As far as the Nexus goes, I'm not sure I want to carry on the Nhu/Harris Porter relationship aspect anymore. She only plays the character (and seems to only want to) at ungodly hours and physically I just can't take it. I love Gayle. Honestly, I do. She's a sweetheart, but she's had a reputation of wanting every male C in the entire room married to one of her own. Till recently I thought it was unfounded. Harris, on the other hand seems to have chemistry with the most unlikely of what could be called a romantic interest. Phoebe Janeway.
Yes, that Phoebe Janeway.
I was surprised too. I'm not sure if I want to persue that though. It's appealing, but I don't know. Pheebs and Harris have a lot of chemistry, where Nhu on the other hand is this demure (but gorgeous) princess that never says no to him. I'm tired of that kind of character, where everything's just peachy keen. It's not realistic. It's not fun. Harris and Pheebs are currently getting ready to go on a mission to intercept smuggled-out metagenic weapons from reaching the Maquis (who got needlessly pissed off in the room. Anal bitches.)
I'll get back to you on that.
Then there's Megan. Who I've been talked into cohosting a Lizzie McGuire RP room on Silvercrossings with (don't laugh.) What surprises me is that I actually like it. I love her, really. She's awesome, but....*sigh* I'm not going to say anything bad about her, because I have nothing bad to say about her. I love her spunk and spirit. But if there's one complaint I have about her it's that I wish she had a little more patience with people. That's all.
In other news, I've got three, count 'em...THREE MiSTings in progress with Freak. X-Men's almost done (just need some host segments.) we're holding off on The Mummy and currently we're doing Attack of the Clones.
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| ROM OF THE WEEK SUPER STAR WARS SPECIAL PART 3.5/17/2002 |
[17 May 2002|07:30pm] |
Two weeks ago, we reviewed Super Empire Strikes Back. My favorite game in the Super Star Wars series for the SNES. There's a good reason we took the week off, as it were. Currently I'm working on a look back on Full House which should be on Base shortly, as well as trying my best to get tickets for Attack of the Clones and finally...FINALLY we've gotten around to the last installment of the Super Star Wars series, Super Return of the Jedi. On a side note, while I do believe Super Empire Strikes Back is my favorite in the Super Star Wars Trilogy, it was a close toss-up, because while the dark mood, atmosphere and challenge of Super Empire appeals to me, I believe that Super Jedi is the most fun. But Empire beats Jedi just barely. If you don't enjoy the game we're about to preview, you have no soul.. So Freak and myself team up like Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan on Darth Maul to bring you our ROM OF THE WEEK for 5/17/2002
SUPER RETURN OF THE JEDI
TheFreak: Let's face it, if you didn't like the first two Super Star Wars titles, whether you played them together or seperately, you will NOT like Super Jedi, and coincedentally, you don't like platformers, either. Now go to the corner and think over what you've done.
Congraturation! A winner is you! Thanks Dudes! Wanna grab a burger?
Granted, Super Jedi is a bit of the 'same old, same old', borrowing its design from the first two, but Lucasarts knew that you can't mess with a good thing, and once again, they release a quality platformer with enough challenge to kill a small Wookie. The fact that Ewoks don't really annoy the shit out of you doesn't hurt, either.
The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.
Kev: Are you kidding? Of all the SSW games, this one is the most beautifully done. The backgrounds, the animation, everything's just gorgeous, especially the sound, which sounds spot on for 16 bit. It deviates from the story very little, they just removed most of the dialogue. Which is a good thing, because had there been dialogue we would have been subjected to yet another voice actor doing a bad Mark Hammill impression.
Well... the title's no sillier than Attack of the Clones...
TF: Fortunately, my friends are smart enough to know that they CAN'T imitate the Wang-less Whiner.
Evoking the spirit of Mace Windu to enhance bad motherfuckerness
Of course, they're also morons who didn't know Rage Against the Machine were until way into the 90's. I hang with an acceptionally sad crowd. Sometimes it's hard being a rebel.
Kev: Unless you've got the Millennium Falcon, of course. Love Luke or hate him, you have to admit he became a complete badass by the time Episode 6 rolled around, and even before then, at least we can say "At least he isn't Jake Lloyd". Luckily, the only voice samples that are in the game are used sparingly, like grunts, blast noises and Jabba's laugh. Visually, SROTJ is a genuine treat, with more Mode 7 action sequences than you can shake a force pike at. They're extremely tough, but they leave you wanting more. In the platform levels, there's a lot of variety in the enemies. The level at the beginning where you fight your way through the palace reminded me of the Mos Eisley Cantina level from Super Star Wars.
TF: Another regular occurance of the Super Star Wars series is the mish-mash mix of enemies new and old. And like we've stated before, the game is so well-developed, they could throw in irrelevant plot-points and it would still work. Thankfully, Lucasarts was nice enough to make as much sense of the new material as humanly possible without going overboard. So it doesn't make sense that Leia's fighting the Jabba dancing girl that gets killed in the first ten minutes of the movie, point is it's FUN.
All this and girl/girl action!
Kev: I don't think it's Oola. Just some generic Twi'lek chick with an affinity for legwarmers, but whatever. This game is a pure blast, and I can't say that enough. There are a few things you'll notice early on. First is the detail, second better audio samples (especially Vader's breathing and the Emperor's laughing. Creepy), and finally the character select screen is back. Including the ability to finally play as Princess Leia in not one, but three outfits. Her Boushh costume, the slave girl bikini (yum), and her Rebel commando uniform. The lightsaber looks cooler than ever before and Luke finally gets an outfit we can be proud of.
I love her.
TF: But as usual, if you can choose Luke, choose Luke. His lightsaber kicks more ass than anything else. That's our protip to you, the fans.
It's Imperial....-too- Imperial.
Kev: Nice Video Power Edge there, Johnny Arcade. Maybe it would mean something if we actually got paid to make these fucking endorsements.
TF: That wouldn't be a bad idea. But we're a non-profit rant site.
Kev: We should be. Money good.
Luke Skywalker. Jedi, Rebel, Hell's Wampa.
TF: ...Hm....well...is there anything else to add that already hasn't been in the first two reviews?
Kev: Fuck yeah! Just about everything else.
TF: ......Uh...Help me out here....
It's not how you rescue Han, it's whether or not you look good doing it.
Kev: Alright. The game starts out just after the second scene in the movie. Leia, Chewie and Luke are racing to Jabba's palace in a very sweet-looking speeder over some rough terrain. The bulk of this stage is jumping and dodging rocks. It's not as easy as it looks.
TF: Oh yeah, the story itself. I kinda forgot about that.
So yeah. What a way to start. Not the best stage ever, but all them youngsters love them newfangled graphics and whatnot, so what better way to suck in the newbies than by having a mode-7 stage worth looking at.
But of course, if you're a real gamer, you'll want a GAME, and that doesn't unofficially start until the second stage.....
Kev: Fine, make me do all the fucking work as usual. :-). When you, as Leia or Chewie, battle your way into Jabba's palace. This is where most of the early stages take place as Leia and Chewie fight to rescue Han in carbonite and Luke fights to rescue everybody else and in between much blasting and fighting and stuff ensues. Suffice to say, you won't get bored. You'll end up fighting such familiar characters as the security eye that R2D2 and C3P0 ran into in the second scene and the Rancor where you'll then be taken to the dune sea above the pit of Carkoon to swing and slash your way to Jabba's sail barge where you'll do battle with the big slug himself. After that, it's off to Endor where you'll step into the fur of Wicket, and then to such stages as the Mode 7 speeder bike chase (tough, but fun), the Shield Generator, the Imperial landing platform (as Luke, surrendering to the Empire to get to Vader) and three stages of the Battle of Endor as Lando Calrissian in the Falcon. You'll then switch between Lando shooting at TIE fighters and Luke fighting his way up to the Emperor's throne room to fight Vader and the Emperor himself. After this is accomplished you'll be sent back to the Falcon as it fights into and escapes from the Death Star as it explodes in a shockingly perfect recreation of the battle in the innards of the Death Star, making it one of the greatest final stages of all final stages.
Paul Lynde!
TF: The story in a nutshell. Doesn't mean you have a reason not to see the movie though, so if you haven't, then for god sakes man, go do it!
Kev: But get all three movies, then watch them back to back. You'll be a convert in no time.
TF: Then play the Super Star Wars trilogy, by far the ultimate videogame trilogy. Unless Rogue Squadron has a third game that kicks the holy living hell out of Rogue Leader.
Kev: That's not likely to happen, though. And actually it would be more like a fourth game if you count Battle for Naboo for the 64.
TF: Ah, but I'm not.
So what else are we missing?
Kev: The fucking download, I think.
TF: Okay, then, so closing statements. It can't be said enough times. Play the fucking game. Play the entire fucking SERIES. Watch the fucking Movies then play the fucking series again! It's that fucking cool. Fuck you very much. Kev?
Kev: Yes, fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuckfuckfuck fuck fuck fuck. All profits from this review go to fight Tourette's Syndrome.
TF: Right. So Super Return of the Jedi gets...surprise....five Fuckin'-A-Kumas. Take that to the bank and exchange it for a gift certificate at Toys-R-Us. You'll thank us for it.
Enjoy Attack of the Clones, everybody. May the Force be with you.
In the meantime.... You want this? Don't you....
Kev
Knock 'em out the box, Luke. Knock 'em out. Knock 'em out the box, Luke. Knock 'em out. Knock 'em out the box, Luke. Knock 'em out...
TF
Taught Boba Fett everything he knows.
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| Attack of the claims. |
[17 May 2002|07:34am] |
In case the 7-or-so of you people have been wondering where our "Super Return of the Jedi" article is, it's as simple as this; Kev and myself have been missing each other on AIM lately, and we had agreed some weeks prior that the third and final review to commemorate the opening of Attack of the Clones would require the input of both our warped and mentally diseased brains.
Part of it's my fault, really. My sister has arrived from college for the summer and I've been spending more time with her than my computer. We'll try to have that review done as soon as possible.
On a related note, I wasn't so lucky claiming my tickets for opening day. I may have to wait until next week to get my chance. Hope you folks enjoyed it, and I'll try to get to watch it at my next possible convenience. Grrowr!
-TF
The son of a mafia slug
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| ROM OF THE WEEK 5/3/2002 SUPER STAR WARS SPECIAL PART 2, SUPER EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. |
[04 May 2002|01:49am] |
It is officially two weeks until Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones, and with each approaching week we get closer and closer to finishing our Star Wars RotW special. This week, we take a look at the second (and my favorite) installment of the Super Star Wars Trilogy.....
Super Empire Strikes Back.
I never played Super Star Wars when it first came out. But I played the hell out of this one. I rented it from Blockbuster and ran up a whole week's worth of late fees because I knew that I had to beat this game. After dying countless times, battling legions of Wampas, Stormtroopers and Bounty Hunters and writing pages worth of passwords, I finally made it to Darth Vader and fought my way through it.
Because Rebel pilot jumpsuits are just that warm
Super Empire Strikes Back follows the plot of the movie pretty closely, although like its predecessor, it does veer from the continuity of its source material for the sake of gameplay. For instance, Luke never changes out of his orange Rebel Pilot uniform (even in the cutscenes) and it looks pretty silly seeing Luke telling Echo Base he'll investigate a meteorite crash (which as we all know was really an Imperial Probe Droid) while wearing that gaudy orange thing. I guess it's just really comfy. I was also sad to see that at the end of the game, they don't re-create the scene where Vader cuts off Luke's hand and tells him that he's his father, what I believe to be one of the greatest scenes in movie history.
But the game is so intense, you won't have time to compare game to movie. SESB takes the Super Star Wars formula and improves on it. The first thing you'll notice is that Luke has his lightsaber from the beginning and if you want to survive this game, you'll have to become an expert at the lightsaber and blaster. Because you won't often have a choice. Which brings us to another thing you should know. Unlike SSW, you can't choose which character you can blast through the stages with. You'll be either stuck with Luke, Han or Chewbacca (sadly, you can't play as Princess Leia) depending on the stage. Luckily though, the same power-ups from Super Star Wars are back, along with a couple of more, most notably Force Power Ups, which you will need if you're going to beat this game. Even on Easy mode, this sucker's hard. The game starts out pretty boringly, because the only thing you'll find yourself fighting are little snow boars and other indiginous life forms.
I thought they smelled bad on the outside.
It's pretty tough from the get-go, but luckily at the end of the very first stage you'll meet up with your Tauntaun and get a longer life meter. From there, you'll work your way underground into the caves, slicing your way through Hoth's natural defenses and into a battle with what I have to say has got to be the biggest fucking Wampa I've ever seen.
Note the "You've got to be shitting me" look on Luke's face
After dodging the Mutant Wampa's claws and freeze breath (yes, you can get frozen and it's a pretty funny effect) you'll again blast your way through the snowdrifts to fight the Probe Droid that had been sending transmissions to Darth Vader's Star Destroyer while you were busy running around playing in the snow. You stupid schmuck.
Eek, blue balls!
You'll eventually get back to Echo Base and this is where the game really begins. The Battle of Hoth. Imperial Walkers have landed and are headed right for you. But not so fast, my young apprentice. You wanna go out there and take down Walkers? You gotta blast your way to your Snowspeeder first, Farmboy.
Thank you, Lieutenant Warren Beatty.
However, once you do, you'll be rewarded with the most fun stage in the entire game. This game is where the other recreations of the battle in other LucasArts titles come from. Here's a bit of trivia for you. Super Empire Strikes Back is not the first attempt to re-create this scene. There was a side-scroller for the Atari 2600 that was nothing but shooting AT-ATs. However, the video re-creation of the Battle of Hoth as we know it didn't begin until 1985 with The Empire Strikes Back vector arcade game. Unfortunately, it didn't do too well due to the video game crash of '84. But Shadows of the Empire, Rogue Squadron and Rogue Squadron 2 all owe their formats to the Super Star Wars series.
Watch that crossfire, boys.
This is is my favorite stage in the game. Here you'll get to blast Probe Droids, AT-STs and AT-ATs. It must be played to feel the intensity. After taking down five AT-ATs, you'll find yourself battling through INSIDE the last Imperial Walker. Yowza!
No problem.
While Luke's busy outside, inside you'll get to finally play as Han Solo in a roller coaster of a shootfest as you try to find Princess Leia to get her out of the base on the Millennium Falcon. Once you blast your way out of Echo Base, you'll enter the second best stage in the game, the asteroid sequence. The music here is spot on with its counterpart sequence in the movie, and not only will you have to clear the stage of TIEs, you'll have to watch out for the asteroids.
After that, most of it is side-scrolling 2D platform shooter (and who in the world said it was a -bad- thing?) that follows the plot of the movie relatively faithfully. Han, Chewie, the droids and Leia go to Bespin and Luke goes to Dagobah to train as a Jedi with Yoda. The Dagobah stages entail you battling generic swamp monsters, while the Bespin stages get a lot more interesting as Han and Chewie fight Stormtroopers, Ugnaughts, Bounty Hunters and Boba Fett himself while Luke eventually fights his way to battle with Darth Vader in the final few stages.
All in all, Super Empire Strikes Back is super tight, and it's the closest you can ever come to actually being in this movie without having to make out with your sister. Unless you're Freak.
JUST KIDDING, FREAK!
("You'd better be." - TF)
You Base-heads would probably guess already that Super Empire Strikes Back gets without question...
Five Fuckin'-A-Kumas
The Force is with you, young Skywalker....but you are not a Jedi yet.
Kev
Don't fuck with Vader
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| A legend passes. |
[28 Apr 2002|06:49pm] |
Lou Thesz
1916-2002
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a fan of professional wrestling. I'm not sure if you are either, but this is a sad day for everyone who loves wrestling. One of the true legends of the business who helped make it what it is today has passed away today, April 28, 2002 after suffering from complications due to open heart surgery. Lou Thesz was truly one of the greats. A former NWA champion and a class act his entire life. He is best known for the Lou Thesz Press, which is one of Stone Cold Steve Austin's trademark moves.
Thesz's surviving loved ones request that any contributions in the form of flowers be sent to
IWIM/Thesz Memorial Fund
P.O. Box 794
Newton
IA - 50208
OR
Sheldon Goldberg
P.O. Box 783783
Winter Garden
FL - 34778
Highways and dancehalls
A good song takes you far
Your write about the moon
And you dream about the stars
Blues in old motel rooms
Girls in daddy's car
You sing about the nights
And you laugh about the scars
Coffee in the morning cocaine afternoons
You talk about the weather
And you grin about the rooms
Phone calls long distance
To tell how you've been
Forget about the losses, you exaggerate the wins
And when you stop to let 'em know
You've got it down
It's just another town along the road
The ladies come to see you
If your name still rings a bell
They give you damn near nothin'
And they'll say they knew you well
So you tell 'em you'll remember
But they know it's just a game
And along the way their faces
All begin to look the same
And when you stop to let 'em know
You got it down
It's just another town along the road
Well it isn't for the money
And it's only for a while
You stalk about the rooms
And you roll away the miles
Gamblers in the neon, clinging to guitars
You're right about the moon
But you're wrong about the stars
And when you stop to let 'em know
You got it down
It's just another town along the way
--"The Road", Jackson Browne
Kev
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| There's somethin' strange in your neighborhood. Who ya gonna call? ...THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS |
[28 Apr 2002|04:05am] |
TheFreak: It's hard to say you don't know about the Globetrotters. After all, they hold world records in consecutive games won and can do more with a basketball than Richard Gere can do with a gerbil...or so they say. These guys make a habit of touring the world making the opposing team look like a sorry sack of too-tall overpaid B-Ball players. Well, anyway. I have fond memories of watching the 'Trotters make fools out of the opponents. A team that actually has humor to match the talent. That's a rare mix for any basketball team. You have any fond memories of the 'Trotters, Kev?
Kev: Alright, alright, Freak. ass. My memories about the Globetrotters. I remember that other than the occasional misadventure with Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby they're the only undefeated team in the history of basketball, something that earned them a world record. Although I'd hardly call an undefeated record against ONE TEAM worthy of a world record. I guarantee you in a legit game they'd get smoked by the Lakers. Being able to spin a ball in a figure 8 around both legs with one arm while standing tiptoed doesn't mean dick if Shaq's just gonna stuff you into the rafters anyway. But I'm getting off track. When you go to a Globetrotters game, you KNOW they're gonna win when they're playing the same out-of-shape white guys they've been beating for over 80 years. Which begs a question I asked in a previous entry. What league do these assholes play in anyway? Are they the only two teams? Why are they playing? If this is an actual game, why don't the refs foul them for the fancy tricks?? Isn't that shit TRAVELLING? What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Anyway, the Harlem Globetrotters have been successful for 80 years and I wish them big success in the next 80 years. Because their formula for entertainment works.
Skinny white guys + basketball = funny. Skinny white guys + basketball + Tall black guys with big hair = hilarious. Skinny white guys + basketball + Tall black guys with big hair + Skinny white guys getting shitcanned by tall black guys = Impossible to resist.
Because dammit, White guys playing basketball with black guys is just fucking funny.
With the obvious exception of Larry Bird.
#33
*bows down and worships like in that scene from Temple of Doom*
I wish the Globetrotters all the best in this brand new millennium, because enforcing the stereotype that all white guys have no fucking game is alright with me.
Well....almost all white guys. Freak?
TF: Well, it's a formula, and it works, and as far as Guiness is concerned it's a world record, and would that be an African or Ethiopian Swallow?
But I jest. These guys know how to move a ball, and wear a neat choice of colors doing so.
Kev: What were we talking about again?
TF: Cartoons, I think.
Kev: What the fuck does that have to do with the Harlem Globetrotters? Okay, okay. As we all know, in between beating the crabapples out of a team of white guys, the Globetrotters like being heroes. I'm not talking about pouring foul-smelling broth into bowls at a soup kitchen or working on Habitat for Humanity (although that's not to say they don't REALLY do those things. HfH is a very good cause and pretty much the only good thing Jimmy Carter's ever done). We're talking about the cartoon 'Trotters, Spidey Fans and True Believers. And the Globetrotters, apparantly influenced from their adventures with the Scooby Doo Gang and being stranded on Gilligan's Island like to be heroes. By that I mean heroes. real heroes, as in Super Heroes.
TF: There's actually been a few forms of 'toon 'Trotters, the most popular of which are the guest appearances on the hour-long "Scooby Movies".
But the history of the Globetrotters' animated personas also unveil a secret....
...a deep, dark, dirty secret....
Kev, Will you do the honors of shaming the Globetrotter's credibility, or whatever's left thereof?
Kev: With that being said, it is our shame to bring to your attention....
TF: The Super Globetrotters were part of a Hanna Barbara Superhero boom in the 70s, which pretty much started with Space Ghost. But, like Scooby Doo could tell you, when HB got a good thing going, they would drive the idea into the ground.
The origin of the Super Globetrotters goes back to a line of cartoon shorts starring "The Impossibles", a trio of Beatle-clones who would don stupid superpowers to fight back the forces of evil. In fact, that's where 'Trotter's Multi Man and Fluid Man originated from.
And people wonder where Capcom gets their names for Megaman enemies....
Kev: In any case, coincidentally the 70's were the peak of the Harlem Globetrotters' popularity, way before it was discovered that the outcome of every game was more scripted and predetermined than any episode of WWF Smackdown. But I digress. This was the 70's. And if you were a Globetrotter, life was good.
TF: Actually I think the 'Trotters have more talent than that. They can actually BEAT a team of pro-basketball All-Stars. In fact, if I recall correctly several years ago, they were beaten by such a team. The 'Trotters would get a rematch in which they would win.
But back to the cartoon. The concept was a particularly simple one, and one that would be used in every episode. Some evil would appear to threaten the fans, so the 'Trotters would get a heads-up from the Crime-Globe, a basketball-satellite that would communicate with them through inanimate objects, whether it be a table or a chair or who-knows-what.
Anyway, the 'Trotters would confront the bad guy, whom would challenge them to a basketball match. The 'Trotters would come out, and the bad guy would be waiting with a team of hockey player-sized mutants. The 'Trotters would get trounced in the first half, some 210-0, then during halftime, they would transform themselves into the blithering idiots you see below, and make a startling comeback by beating the evil side 340-210, or whatever score is possible in the realm of cartoons.
Kev: That sounds terribly familiar......
Anyway, the interesting thing was how they did it. At halftime they'd regroup and it's morphin' time! They'd become well...
TF: ..Well, for a lack of a better term........Super Heroes?
Kev: Only if you tack the word "tacky" after Super. The Globetrotters would become more than just your average ordinary Superheroes. No, fuck that. These are the Globetrotters. And when they changed into their superpowered personas they would become....
Pick out the negative African-American stereotypes. You have 30 seconds.
The most idiotic looking superheroes this side of Superfriends.
How, oh how were the Washington Generals ever going to take them seriously after looking like that? The Globetrotter lineup has never mattered and it doesn't matter now, for the sake of brevity. Allow us to introduce you to the Globetrotter alter-egos. What point their supposed 'powers' were is best left to not caring.
Fluid Man: When this Trotter became Fluid Man, he umm...gained the power to swim, I guess. Which was pretty pointless, because we all know black guys can't swim *coughcough*
Spaghetti Man: One 'Trotter became Spaghetti Man, which gave him the power to look like a noodle.
Sphere Man: When this Globetrotter called upon the power of the sphere, he gained the ability to look like a mascot for a minor league baseball team. One of those guns that shoots T-Shirts would have made a great weapon.
Multi Man: The second-in-command apparantly, since his costume is the second-least silly-looking, wielding the power of having Multi in his name.
Man. Suddenly I don't feel so bad for the secondary members of the Superfriends. Anyway, last but not least was...
Gizmo Man: This Globetrotter alter-ego was the only one whose power had any real practical use. He would have been called Afro Man, but then he got high....okay, seriously. Since this show had all African American main characters and since this was the 70's, you just knew one of them was going to have a ginormous afro. And holy shit, what an afro. The crap he could pull out of his hair would make Batman blush with shame, and considering that Batsy's sidekick at the time wore Leggs and green panties, that was hard to do. You name it, Gizmo Man could pull it out of his hair.
TF: Certainly beats having to pull gizmos out of his ass.
Kev: But you have to admit, that would have been ten times more entertaining. Anyhow, This is how every episode would go. Evil pops up, Globetrotters would fight it, Evil challenges Globetrotters to a basketball game, Globetrotters get trounced in the first half, Globetrotters power up, Globetrotters make a triumphant comeback, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES??. Yada yada. At the end of each episode, the Globetrotters....surprise surprise, played a zany game of hoops.
By the way, they were able to fly, too. But in the 70's, what cartoon super hero couldn't without having a cool alternative means of non-vehicular travel?
So it's no surprise The Super Globetrotters never saw the 80's. This cartoon was pure crap totally meant to cash in on the popularity of the best team in pro basketball. However, two months into its run, the Globetrotters teamed up with Godzilla and formed the Godzilla/Globetrotters Adventure Hour.
I shit you not. It too was, as you could guess, one of the many esoteric and obscure saturday morning cartoons of the 70's. Forced to be remembered only when a total geek brings it up on a whim.
Wait a minute....
TF: ...Yup. We've definitely been awake too long.
Kev: I agree. Wanna wrap this shit up Fabulous Thunderbirds style?
TF: Sure thing.
Bottom line folks, if you're lucky to still find this cartoons roaming around on Boomerang or something, I suggest watching it only for a good laugh. I mean, I real boffo ha-ha chucklefest, 'cuz there's enough cheese in this 'toon to keep an initially starved sewer rat well-fed for quite a few years.
That's my 2.5 cents.
Kev: My take is if you happen to catch this abortion on Boomerang, only watch it if A: You REALLY like the Harlem Globetrotters and don't care how shamelessly they whore themselves, or B: You need your recommended daily requirement of eye-melting pain.
In any case, The Super Globetrotters has the dubious distinction of being only the second item on Base ever to be given...
FIVE DANCING PUSSIES
-Kev
Admit it, you're whistling that stupid Globetrotters song right now.
-TF
Those Impossibles are impossible!
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| Just one question. |
[28 Apr 2002|02:29am] |
What league do the Harlem Globetrotters play in anyway?
Kev
That finger-spinning ball shit's gotta be travelling.
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| SUPER STAR WARS ROM OF THE WEEK PART 1: SUPER STAR WARS |
[28 Apr 2002|01:07am] |
With Star Wars Episode 2 fast approaching, Kev and myself agreed that our next couple ROM of the week posts should be something special, so here we now give you part one of a special 3-Part SNES Super Star Wars ROM of the Week. We start with the original: Super Star Wars itself.
Consider me a sad case. No, I mean a terrible case. I didn't even bother to watch the Star Wars Trilogy until I was around 14 or 15. I just didn't care about movies. I've heard the name but assumed it was a B-movie cult of some sort, and not the best sci-fi action film series ever made.
Boy, did I miss out. Thankfully I was around for the Special Edition theatrical releases, so I feel I've made up for the loss of time somehow by actually getting to see it on a big screen.
But before Star Wars, I made my own conclusions to the series based off the storyline made in the SNES trilogy. When I saw the game at my video store, I thought "What the hell, everybody's talking about it. Let's see what it's about", and I rented it.
What I played was a rare combination of solid 2D platformer and blasting action, something you can only find nowadays with the "Treasure" label on it.
But this was Lucasarts, the guys behind Monkey Island. What were they doing going from PC adventure to console action?
Who knows? But they fucked with the Lucas liscence and somehow still managed to make a kickass game.
Luke uses his blaster on Tattooine...What the...?
By the way, nice mullet, Luke.
See, since Lucasarts wanted to keep the game moving along, they altered parts of the story here and there to give the characters better reasons to kick Jawa ass. This includes changing meeting scenes and adding beasts not found in the actual trilogy. And Lucas approved of it all. If that doesn't prove how mad George really is, I don't know what will. Jar Jar anyone?
Hey Skipper! Where's your little buddy?
A good example can be seen in the pic above. We all know that, after trudging through the sands of Tattooine a bit, C3PO and R2-D2 split up and go different directions. However, in the movie, C3PO is picked up by a sandcrawler and R2-D2 gets captured by Jawas, who transport the midget-bot to their sandcrawler.
R2-D2's fate doesn't change, but C3PO winds up much luckier in SSW.
Here's something new: Luke souped his landspeeder with laser cannons!
Thanks to C3PO, Luke can now complete the story cycle and grab R2-D2 from the Jawas. But first he'll have to do battle with... A HEAVILY-ARMED SANDCRAWLER!!
"But I was going to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters! What the fuck??"
Among Jawas and various defenses, you'll also be attacked by that trashcan junkbot seen being tortured in the trilogy. Sadly, it's still a wussy junkbot that you can pick off with a couple of blaster shots.
Yup! They even have mutant bio-beasts in the boiler room.
That's GOTTA violate a health code.
Eventually, you'll meet up with Ben Kenobi and fight your way through Mos Eisley, the Death Star and finally to the kickass climax of the game, the first Star Wars video game to give true justice to the Battle of Yavin since the color vector Arcade game.
But be warned. Super Star Wars is LONG! So long that it really could've helped to have some form of save/password feature, which it doesn't. Thank emulation, now that savestates can be made.
The music/speed synching in ZSNES is off, but that's okay, since the game still rocks. Oh yeah, and the SNES renditions of John Williams classic score also helps this game.
In the end, this game could've thrown in a love triangle between C3PO, Han Solo, and Chewbacca, and Lucasarts would STILL find a way to make it work in the game. That's why I'm giving Super Star Wars 5 Fuckin'-A-kumas.
You can download Super Star Wars by clicking the link, so get to it! Relive the days when Luke was a whining little douchebag!
-TF
Jedis are Hollywood's ninjas.
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| Hey Gamespot, I think this knife buried in your fans' backs belongs to you. |
[26 Apr 2002|01:40am] |
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"Insane"--Mercyful Fate |
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Below is an openly posted copy of an actual letter I've sent to Gamespot. You can too, just click on feedback@gamespot.com and tell these greedy bastards how much they suck for taking advantage of the people that made them.
To whom it may concern,
You had better read this in its entirety because I'm sure that if you haven't gotten thousands of other angry e-mails exactly like this, many of which I'm sure will not be as kind as this letter is, you will in great abundance. So I hope you read this particular bit of "feedback" in its entirety. I'm positive that this is as civilized a response as you're ever going to get about Gamespot Complete.
Let's get started. First IGN sells out, then Daily Radar (which is okay because Daily Radar was mediocre to begin with), but why you? Why Gamespot? Why the best damn source of gaming info on the net? Why are YOU selling out? Et tu, Gamespot? Let me now point out the misinformation and utter BULLSHIT of what has to be the worst decision in the world of video gaming since Superman 64.
"First, let us establish that we're not in the business of content discrimination based on our two services. We make no distinction between "elite" or "paid" content vs. "regular" or "free" content offerings."
Yeah? Answer this. Why are you only giving the free users ONE movie a week and the schmucks that are gonna be paying for your crap all they could ever want? Why are you only going to restrict things like software patches to the dupes wasting money on your so-called "service"? That sounds like making a distinction between 'elite' and 'free' content offerings to me. The above is just one of many lies in Mr. Vince Brody's letter to justify the site's going corporate. It would, Sirs and Madams be much more truthful if instead of all that tripe you simply provide the explanation "Give us your money. We're greedy."
You call your actions, such as cutting off your FTP service due to costs "compromises" when in reality you're making money hand over fist from the supposedly 10 million hits you're recieving (You've GOT to be making money, how else can you pay for trips to E3?) and are cutting it off, intending to switch the FTP to the pay service. It's the standard corporate strategy of giving the least for the most amount of money.
Granted, your content as a whole is fabulous but what you provide isn't worth paying magazine rates for. *If I want to pay 20 bucks a year for the info, I'll subscribe to a magazine that I can keep -physically- in my collection. After all, a magazine subscription may run out but I can still read the back issues afterwards.
You know what else? It's pathetic how you're making it sound like you're doing this out of last resort desperation. No. I know what advertising revenue pulls in. I know how much cash a banner ad makes for a site using it. Combine that by the 10 million hits you CLAIM to get a day and you've got more than enough money to pay your expenses. No. What you're doing this out of is not desperation. It's just GREED. And eventually you're going to take away the "Gamespot Basic" all together and FORCE users to pay if they want to see your stuff. And you know what's going to happen not long after that? Gamespot is going to be out of business, because if there's one thing that annoys Joe Internet User more it's having to PAY for something that used to be free.
Nobody is going to want to pay for something they can get for free somewhere else. You're not the only one of your kind out there, guys. Eventually, someone is going to get fed up and start up his own free gaming site that will be even better than yours. Why subscribe to Napster when you can get Kazaa and the ability to download software and movies too without having to put up with restricted content?
Fuck you, Gamespot.
Fuck you in your greedy asses with a dildo covered with AIDS.
Sincerely,
Kevin Ramsey
*Thank you Firehawke for the quote.
Kev.
Wait, you're expecting me to pay for screenshots from Pikmin? Fuck you.
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| ROM OF THE WEEK 4/19/2002 |
[19 Apr 2002|09:26pm] |
As you probably know, at Base, when we do our Roms of the Week, we like to showcase games that are offbeat or were only released in Europe or Japan, depriving us American gamers and tragically making emulation the ONLY way we can have access to these wonderful, sometimes wierd games, games that Freak and I feel that everyone has the right to at least know about. This week's RotW is no exception. And people, it doesn't get much more offbeat than this.
PARODIUS NON-SENSE FANTASY
I was first introduced to Parodius years ago at the height of Nintendo Power's popularity. It was more or less just a blurb in the back of the magazine, and according to the article, Parodius was going to be a shooter that was a parody of shooters. Sort of like the "Airplane!" for the Gradius/R-Type crowd. It was interesting, funny and above all, original.
So naturally, it was never released in the United States.
According to Freak, the story of why none of the Parodius games (the first one was released for the Famicom) never came anywhere near our shores was that it was too wierd, after Legend of the Mystical Ninja (which we hope we'll be able to get to sometime) failed to do well. Konami may have decided that us Americans just wouldn't "get it". (which was wrong. I was about 13 or 14 when that particular issue of Nintendo Power came out and I couldn't stop laughing at seeing a kitten pirate ship.)
The plot's a bit hard to describe. Your basic shoot-em-up...with a cute red, white and blue Eagle (a cute rib on Americans), naked pigs, a giant Las Vegas showgirl, Rocky Horror-esque lips, hilarious spoofs of Gradius' own Easter Island heads. But the penguins...
A lot of penguins.
A plethora of penguins.
Parodius Non-Sense Fantasy is different from yet has a lot in common with the serious Konami shooters. It's the same side-scrolling shootfest (even if it is poking fun at itself), and like most other Konami games, Parodius is FUCKING HARD. Luckily there are a lot of power-ups, as you'd expect, to help you along. The power-ups are similar, but they depend on which character you choose to play with. You can choose good old Vic Viper from Gradius, the Twinbee from the game of the same name on the Famicom, an Octopus, and yes....a Penguin. The best power-up by far is the megaphone. Not only does it act like one continous laser, but as you can see from the screenshots below, it's fucking hilarious, even for Engrish.
As you can see, this game is fucking insane. It's clear why they never gave Parodius a US release.
The Japanese hate us.
So don't just sit there, fire up your SNES emulator and download it already. :-)
Prepare to hate penguins for the rest of your life.
Parodius Non-Sense Fantasy gets 5 Fuckin' Akumas.
Kev
Got a stinkfoot?
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| Archie Bunker in 2004! |
[17 Apr 2002|12:39am] |
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All campaigns must start somewhere.
Many years ago, Archie Bunker attempted to run for president, and despite a good chunk of write-ins, he still lost the race. Since then, Archie bided his time, waiting for a good chance to once again throw his hat in the ring with the possibility of an assured win.
Sadly, he died.
But this does not mean the campaign ends here! No! In fact, with rubble like Bush in the office, now is a better time than ever for America's favorite bigot, Archie Bunker, to lunge at the presidency, and give America the much-needed twist on issues long since forgotten. A millenium man with a 70's train of thought, Archie will prove to all of us who the real meatheads are.
The Presidential campaign is still a long ways yet, but all good campaigns have to start somewhere, and why not be the first to enter the race? As times change, you can be sure that Archie won't. So remember when you vote in November 2004, that your choice could very well effect the outcome of the nation.
So vote bold. Vote big. Vote Bunker!
-TF
"Those were the days."
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| A quick post, Larry King style. |
[16 Apr 2002|05:38am] |
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"Breakdown", "Don't Come Around Here No More"--Tom Petty |
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Is there anyone groovier than Tom Petty?
Does anybody remember the old HBO show Braingames?
Those plastic things at the end of your shoelaces, those things rock.
Myst was an overrated PC game
Anybody who still wears his socks pulled up is okay in my book.
Rocky and Bullwinkle was a darn good show.
Crab cakes. They're not just a side dish anymore.
Oh, and I'm working up the courage to do a Full House review in the future. Wish me luck as I try to break down that world of suck.
Kev.
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| Tax Day! |
[15 Apr 2002|04:21am] |
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"Taxman"--Stevie Ray Vaughn |
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I'm in Dennis Leary mode.
Does anybody remember the scene in Fight Club where all those buildings get blown up and EVERYBODY'S credit histories get lost? That's what I wish would happen to the IRS building. I wish somebody would evacuate every employee out of the Internal Revenue Service and then take a big van of explosives and knock that fucker down. You wanna know why? Because the IRS fucking sucks, that's why. I just got done payin' them their yearly gratuity and you know what I'm gonna get back? Jack shit, that's what I'm gonna get back. You wanna know what else? George W. Bush, that's what. Fresh out of his Kick Towelhead Ass '02 tour and ya know what? His idea of tax relief is still some KY Jelly. He's fuckin' me, he's fuckin' you, he's fuckin' the fuckers that are fuckin' us, he's fucking more people than Britney Spears after snorting roofies and that's a fucking lot of fucking, folks. And ya know what? There's nothing you can do about it. No. Democrat, Republican, YOU'RE STILL GONNA GET FUCKED. So bend over and take your fucking like the chumps you proved yourself by voting this asshole in office.
Happy fucking April 15, Folks. I hate your fucking guts.
Kev.
Cuz I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman. And you're working for nobody but me
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| At last, Robotech where it belongs. |
[12 Apr 2002|05:36pm] |
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"Star Trek Lyrics"--Tenacious D |
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FINALLY.......
HERE
Here's hoping it doesn't suck.
Kev
Zentraedi your ass off
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| Help? |
[12 Apr 2002|07:45am] |
Don't ask me why, but I've been downloading and reading the Harry Potter books. I, like many others have now become endeared to the adventures of that plucky little wizard. Yesterday I read and finished Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and am currently devouring Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkeban. After which, I will begin reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
If anyone wants to bring me back from the dark side of the Force, you're welcome.
Please? Help.
Kev.
Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus
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