"Base", Kev and TheFreak (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} kevservo) wrote,@ 2002-04-28 04:05:00 |
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There's somethin' strange in your neighborhood. Who ya gonna call? ...THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS
TheFreak: It's hard to say you don't know about the Globetrotters. After all, they hold world records in consecutive games won and can do more with a basketball than Richard Gere can do with a gerbil...or so they say. These guys make a habit of touring the world making the opposing team look like a sorry sack of too-tall overpaid B-Ball players. Well, anyway. I have fond memories of watching the 'Trotters make fools out of the opponents. A team that actually has humor to match the talent. That's a rare mix for any basketball team. You have any fond memories of the 'Trotters, Kev?
Kev: Alright, alright, Freak. ass. My memories about the Globetrotters. I remember that other than the occasional misadventure with Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby they're the only undefeated team in the history of basketball, something that earned them a world record. Although I'd hardly call an undefeated record against ONE TEAM worthy of a world record. I guarantee you in a legit game they'd get smoked by the Lakers. Being able to spin a ball in a figure 8 around both legs with one arm while standing tiptoed doesn't mean dick if Shaq's just gonna stuff you into the rafters anyway. But I'm getting off track. When you go to a Globetrotters game, you KNOW they're gonna win when they're playing the same out-of-shape white guys they've been beating for over 80 years. Which begs a question I asked in a previous entry. What league do these assholes play in anyway? Are they the only two teams? Why are they playing? If this is an actual game, why don't the refs foul them for the fancy tricks?? Isn't that shit TRAVELLING? What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Anyway, the Harlem Globetrotters have been successful for 80 years and I wish them big success in the next 80 years. Because their formula for entertainment works.
Skinny white guys + basketball = funny. Skinny white guys + basketball + Tall black guys with big hair = hilarious. Skinny white guys + basketball + Tall black guys with big hair + Skinny white guys getting shitcanned by tall black guys = Impossible to resist.
Because dammit, White guys playing basketball with black guys is just fucking funny.
With the obvious exception of Larry Bird.
#33
*bows down and worships like in that scene from Temple of Doom*
I wish the Globetrotters all the best in this brand new millennium, because enforcing the stereotype that all white guys have no fucking game is alright with me.
Well....almost all white guys. Freak?
TF: Well, it's a formula, and it works, and as far as Guiness is concerned it's a world record, and would that be an African or Ethiopian Swallow?
But I jest. These guys know how to move a ball, and wear a neat choice of colors doing so.
Kev: What were we talking about again?
TF: Cartoons, I think.
Kev: What the fuck does that have to do with the Harlem Globetrotters? Okay, okay. As we all know, in between beating the crabapples out of a team of white guys, the Globetrotters like being heroes. I'm not talking about pouring foul-smelling broth into bowls at a soup kitchen or working on Habitat for Humanity (although that's not to say they don't REALLY do those things. HfH is a very good cause and pretty much the only good thing Jimmy Carter's ever done). We're talking about the cartoon 'Trotters, Spidey Fans and True Believers. And the Globetrotters, apparantly influenced from their adventures with the Scooby Doo Gang and being stranded on Gilligan's Island like to be heroes. By that I mean heroes. real heroes, as in Super Heroes.
TF: There's actually been a few forms of 'toon 'Trotters, the most popular of which are the guest appearances on the hour-long "Scooby Movies".
But the history of the Globetrotters' animated personas also unveil a secret....
...a deep, dark, dirty secret....
Kev, Will you do the honors of shaming the Globetrotter's credibility, or whatever's left thereof?
Kev: With that being said, it is our shame to bring to your attention....
TF: The Super Globetrotters were part of a Hanna Barbara Superhero boom in the 70s, which pretty much started with Space Ghost. But, like Scooby Doo could tell you, when HB got a good thing going, they would drive the idea into the ground.
The origin of the Super Globetrotters goes back to a line of cartoon shorts starring "The Impossibles", a trio of Beatle-clones who would don stupid superpowers to fight back the forces of evil. In fact, that's where 'Trotter's Multi Man and Fluid Man originated from.
And people wonder where Capcom gets their names for Megaman enemies....
Kev: In any case, coincidentally the 70's were the peak of the Harlem Globetrotters' popularity, way before it was discovered that the outcome of every game was more scripted and predetermined than any episode of WWF Smackdown. But I digress. This was the 70's. And if you were a Globetrotter, life was good.
TF: Actually I think the 'Trotters have more talent than that. They can actually BEAT a team of pro-basketball All-Stars. In fact, if I recall correctly several years ago, they were beaten by such a team. The 'Trotters would get a rematch in which they would win.
But back to the cartoon. The concept was a particularly simple one, and one that would be used in every episode. Some evil would appear to threaten the fans, so the 'Trotters would get a heads-up from the Crime-Globe, a basketball-satellite that would communicate with them through inanimate objects, whether it be a table or a chair or who-knows-what.
Anyway, the 'Trotters would confront the bad guy, whom would challenge them to a basketball match. The 'Trotters would come out, and the bad guy would be waiting with a team of hockey player-sized mutants. The 'Trotters would get trounced in the first half, some 210-0, then during halftime, they would transform themselves into the blithering idiots you see below, and make a startling comeback by beating the evil side 340-210, or whatever score is possible in the realm of cartoons.
Kev: That sounds terribly familiar......
Anyway, the interesting thing was how they did it. At halftime they'd regroup and it's morphin' time! They'd become well...
TF: ..Well, for a lack of a better term........Super Heroes?
Kev: Only if you tack the word "tacky" after Super. The Globetrotters would become more than just your average ordinary Superheroes. No, fuck that. These are the Globetrotters. And when they changed into their superpowered personas they would become....
Pick out the negative African-American stereotypes. You have 30 seconds.
The most idiotic looking superheroes this side of Superfriends.
How, oh how were the Washington Generals ever going to take them seriously after looking like that? The Globetrotter lineup has never mattered and it doesn't matter now, for the sake of brevity. Allow us to introduce you to the Globetrotter alter-egos. What point their supposed 'powers' were is best left to not caring.
Fluid Man: When this Trotter became Fluid Man, he umm...gained the power to swim, I guess. Which was pretty pointless, because we all know black guys can't swim *coughcough*
Spaghetti Man: One 'Trotter became Spaghetti Man, which gave him the power to look like a noodle.
Sphere Man: When this Globetrotter called upon the power of the sphere, he gained the ability to look like a mascot for a minor league baseball team. One of those guns that shoots T-Shirts would have made a great weapon.
Multi Man: The second-in-command apparantly, since his costume is the second-least silly-looking, wielding the power of having Multi in his name.
Man. Suddenly I don't feel so bad for the secondary members of the Superfriends. Anyway, last but not least was...
Gizmo Man: This Globetrotter alter-ego was the only one whose power had any real practical use. He would have been called Afro Man, but then he got high....okay, seriously. Since this show had all African American main characters and since this was the 70's, you just knew one of them was going to have a ginormous afro. And holy shit, what an afro. The crap he could pull out of his hair would make Batman blush with shame, and considering that Batsy's sidekick at the time wore Leggs and green panties, that was hard to do. You name it, Gizmo Man could pull it out of his hair.
TF: Certainly beats having to pull gizmos out of his ass.
Kev: But you have to admit, that would have been ten times more entertaining. Anyhow, This is how every episode would go. Evil pops up, Globetrotters would fight it, Evil challenges Globetrotters to a basketball game, Globetrotters get trounced in the first half, Globetrotters power up, Globetrotters make a triumphant comeback, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES??. Yada yada. At the end of each episode, the Globetrotters....surprise surprise, played a zany game of hoops.
By the way, they were able to fly, too. But in the 70's, what cartoon super hero couldn't without having a cool alternative means of non-vehicular travel?
So it's no surprise The Super Globetrotters never saw the 80's. This cartoon was pure crap totally meant to cash in on the popularity of the best team in pro basketball. However, two months into its run, the Globetrotters teamed up with Godzilla and formed the Godzilla/Globetrotters Adventure Hour.
I shit you not. It too was, as you could guess, one of the many esoteric and obscure saturday morning cartoons of the 70's. Forced to be remembered only when a total geek brings it up on a whim.
Wait a minute....
TF: ...Yup. We've definitely been awake too long.
Kev: I agree. Wanna wrap this shit up Fabulous Thunderbirds style?
TF: Sure thing.
Bottom line folks, if you're lucky to still find this cartoons roaming around on Boomerang or something, I suggest watching it only for a good laugh. I mean, I real boffo ha-ha chucklefest, 'cuz there's enough cheese in this 'toon to keep an initially starved sewer rat well-fed for quite a few years.
That's my 2.5 cents.
Kev: My take is if you happen to catch this abortion on Boomerang, only watch it if A: You REALLY like the Harlem Globetrotters and don't care how shamelessly they whore themselves, or B: You need your recommended daily requirement of eye-melting pain.
In any case, The Super Globetrotters has the dubious distinction of being only the second item on Base ever to be given...
FIVE DANCING PUSSIES
-Kev
Admit it, you're whistling that stupid Globetrotters song right now.
-TF
Those Impossibles are impossible!
TheFreak: It's hard to say you don't know about the Globetrotters. After all, they hold world records in consecutive games won and can do more with a basketball than Richard Gere can do with a gerbil...or so they say. These guys make a habit of touring the world making the opposing team look like a sorry sack of too-tall overpaid B-Ball players. Well, anyway. I have fond memories of watching the 'Trotters make fools out of the opponents. A team that actually has humor to match the talent. That's a rare mix for any basketball team. You have any fond memories of the 'Trotters, Kev?
Kev: Alright, alright, Freak. ass. My memories about the Globetrotters. I remember that other than the occasional misadventure with Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby they're the only undefeated team in the history of basketball, something that earned them a world record. Although I'd hardly call an undefeated record against ONE TEAM worthy of a world record. I guarantee you in a legit game they'd get smoked by the Lakers. Being able to spin a ball in a figure 8 around both legs with one arm while standing tiptoed doesn't mean dick if Shaq's just gonna stuff you into the rafters anyway. But I'm getting off track. When you go to a Globetrotters game, you KNOW they're gonna win when they're playing the same out-of-shape white guys they've been beating for over 80 years. Which begs a question I asked in a previous entry. What league do these assholes play in anyway? Are they the only two teams? Why are they playing? If this is an actual game, why don't the refs foul them for the fancy tricks?? Isn't that shit TRAVELLING? What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Anyway, the Harlem Globetrotters have been successful for 80 years and I wish them big success in the next 80 years. Because their formula for entertainment works.
Skinny white guys + basketball = funny. Skinny white guys + basketball + Tall black guys with big hair = hilarious. Skinny white guys + basketball + Tall black guys with big hair + Skinny white guys getting shitcanned by tall black guys = Impossible to resist.
Because dammit, White guys playing basketball with black guys is just fucking funny.
With the obvious exception of Larry Bird.
*bows down and worships like in that scene from Temple of Doom*
I wish the Globetrotters all the best in this brand new millennium, because enforcing the stereotype that all white guys have no fucking game is alright with me.
Well....almost all white guys. Freak?
TF: Well, it's a formula, and it works, and as far as Guiness is concerned it's a world record, and would that be an African or Ethiopian Swallow?
But I jest. These guys know how to move a ball, and wear a neat choice of colors doing so.
Kev: What were we talking about again?
TF: Cartoons, I think.
Kev: What the fuck does that have to do with the Harlem Globetrotters? Okay, okay. As we all know, in between beating the crabapples out of a team of white guys, the Globetrotters like being heroes. I'm not talking about pouring foul-smelling broth into bowls at a soup kitchen or working on Habitat for Humanity (although that's not to say they don't REALLY do those things. HfH is a very good cause and pretty much the only good thing Jimmy Carter's ever done). We're talking about the cartoon 'Trotters, Spidey Fans and True Believers. And the Globetrotters, apparantly influenced from their adventures with the Scooby Doo Gang and being stranded on Gilligan's Island like to be heroes. By that I mean heroes. real heroes, as in Super Heroes.
TF: There's actually been a few forms of 'toon 'Trotters, the most popular of which are the guest appearances on the hour-long "Scooby Movies".
But the history of the Globetrotters' animated personas also unveil a secret....
...a deep, dark, dirty secret....
Kev, Will you do the honors of shaming the Globetrotter's credibility, or whatever's left thereof?
Kev: With that being said, it is our shame to bring to your attention....
TF: The Super Globetrotters were part of a Hanna Barbara Superhero boom in the 70s, which pretty much started with Space Ghost. But, like Scooby Doo could tell you, when HB got a good thing going, they would drive the idea into the ground.
The origin of the Super Globetrotters goes back to a line of cartoon shorts starring "The Impossibles", a trio of Beatle-clones who would don stupid superpowers to fight back the forces of evil. In fact, that's where 'Trotter's Multi Man and Fluid Man originated from.
And people wonder where Capcom gets their names for Megaman enemies....
Kev: In any case, coincidentally the 70's were the peak of the Harlem Globetrotters' popularity, way before it was discovered that the outcome of every game was more scripted and predetermined than any episode of WWF Smackdown. But I digress. This was the 70's. And if you were a Globetrotter, life was good.
TF: Actually I think the 'Trotters have more talent than that. They can actually BEAT a team of pro-basketball All-Stars. In fact, if I recall correctly several years ago, they were beaten by such a team. The 'Trotters would get a rematch in which they would win.
But back to the cartoon. The concept was a particularly simple one, and one that would be used in every episode. Some evil would appear to threaten the fans, so the 'Trotters would get a heads-up from the Crime-Globe, a basketball-satellite that would communicate with them through inanimate objects, whether it be a table or a chair or who-knows-what.
Anyway, the 'Trotters would confront the bad guy, whom would challenge them to a basketball match. The 'Trotters would come out, and the bad guy would be waiting with a team of hockey player-sized mutants. The 'Trotters would get trounced in the first half, some 210-0, then during halftime, they would transform themselves into the blithering idiots you see below, and make a startling comeback by beating the evil side 340-210, or whatever score is possible in the realm of cartoons.
Kev: That sounds terribly familiar......
Anyway, the interesting thing was how they did it. At halftime they'd regroup and it's morphin' time! They'd become well...
TF: ..Well, for a lack of a better term........Super Heroes?
Kev: Only if you tack the word "tacky" after Super. The Globetrotters would become more than just your average ordinary Superheroes. No, fuck that. These are the Globetrotters. And when they changed into their superpowered personas they would become....
Pick out the negative African-American stereotypes. You have 30 seconds.
How, oh how were the Washington Generals ever going to take them seriously after looking like that? The Globetrotter lineup has never mattered and it doesn't matter now, for the sake of brevity. Allow us to introduce you to the Globetrotter alter-egos. What point their supposed 'powers' were is best left to not caring.
Fluid Man: When this Trotter became Fluid Man, he umm...gained the power to swim, I guess. Which was pretty pointless, because we all know black guys can't swim *coughcough*
Spaghetti Man: One 'Trotter became Spaghetti Man, which gave him the power to look like a noodle.
Sphere Man: When this Globetrotter called upon the power of the sphere, he gained the ability to look like a mascot for a minor league baseball team. One of those guns that shoots T-Shirts would have made a great weapon.
Multi Man: The second-in-command apparantly, since his costume is the second-least silly-looking, wielding the power of having Multi in his name.
Man. Suddenly I don't feel so bad for the secondary members of the Superfriends. Anyway, last but not least was...
Gizmo Man: This Globetrotter alter-ego was the only one whose power had any real practical use. He would have been called Afro Man, but then he got high....okay, seriously. Since this show had all African American main characters and since this was the 70's, you just knew one of them was going to have a ginormous afro. And holy shit, what an afro. The crap he could pull out of his hair would make Batman blush with shame, and considering that Batsy's sidekick at the time wore Leggs and green panties, that was hard to do. You name it, Gizmo Man could pull it out of his hair.
TF: Certainly beats having to pull gizmos out of his ass.
Kev: But you have to admit, that would have been ten times more entertaining. Anyhow, This is how every episode would go. Evil pops up, Globetrotters would fight it, Evil challenges Globetrotters to a basketball game, Globetrotters get trounced in the first half, Globetrotters power up, Globetrotters make a triumphant comeback, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES??. Yada yada. At the end of each episode, the Globetrotters....surprise surprise, played a zany game of hoops.
By the way, they were able to fly, too. But in the 70's, what cartoon super hero couldn't without having a cool alternative means of non-vehicular travel?
So it's no surprise The Super Globetrotters never saw the 80's. This cartoon was pure crap totally meant to cash in on the popularity of the best team in pro basketball. However, two months into its run, the Globetrotters teamed up with Godzilla and formed the Godzilla/Globetrotters Adventure Hour.
I shit you not. It too was, as you could guess, one of the many esoteric and obscure saturday morning cartoons of the 70's. Forced to be remembered only when a total geek brings it up on a whim.
Wait a minute....
TF: ...Yup. We've definitely been awake too long.
Kev: I agree. Wanna wrap this shit up Fabulous Thunderbirds style?
TF: Sure thing.
Bottom line folks, if you're lucky to still find this cartoons roaming around on Boomerang or something, I suggest watching it only for a good laugh. I mean, I real boffo ha-ha chucklefest, 'cuz there's enough cheese in this 'toon to keep an initially starved sewer rat well-fed for quite a few years.
That's my 2.5 cents.
Kev: My take is if you happen to catch this abortion on Boomerang, only watch it if A: You REALLY like the Harlem Globetrotters and don't care how shamelessly they whore themselves, or B: You need your recommended daily requirement of eye-melting pain.
In any case, The Super Globetrotters has the dubious distinction of being only the second item on Base ever to be given...
-Kev
Admit it, you're whistling that stupid Globetrotters song right now.
-TF
Those Impossibles are impossible!
