Attack of the claims. [17 May 2002|07:34am] In case the 7-or-so of you people have been wondering where our "Super Return of the Jedi" article is, it's as simple as this; Kev and myself have been missing each other on AIM lately, and we had agreed some weeks prior that the third and final review to commemorate the opening of Attack of the Clones would require the input of both our warped and mentally diseased brains. Part of it's my fault, really. My sister has arrived from college for the summer and I've been spending more time with her than my computer. We'll try to have that review done as soon as possible. On a related note, I wasn't so lucky claiming my tickets for opening day. I may have to wait until next week to get my chance. Hope you folks enjoyed it, and I'll try to get to watch it at my next possible convenience. Grrowr! -TF The son of a mafia slug post comment

ROM OF THE WEEK SUPER STAR WARS SPECIAL PART 3.5/17/2002 [17 May 2002|07:30pm] Two weeks ago, we reviewed Super Empire Strikes Back. My favorite game in the Super Star Wars series for the SNES. There's a good reason we took the week off, as it were. Currently I'm working on a look back on Full House which should be on Base shortly, as well as trying my best to get tickets for Attack of the Clones and finally...FINALLY we've gotten around to the last installment of the Super Star Wars series, Super Return of the Jedi. On a side note, while I do believe Super Empire Strikes Back is my favorite in the Super Star Wars Trilogy, it was a close toss-up, because while the dark mood, atmosphere and challenge of Super Empire appeals to me, I believe that Super Jedi is the most fun. But Empire beats Jedi just barely. If you don't enjoy the game we're about to preview, you have no soul.. So Freak and myself team up like Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan on Darth Maul to bring you our ROM OF THE WEEK for 5/17/2002 SUPER RETURN OF THE JEDI TheFreak: Let's face it, if you didn't like the first two Super Star Wars titles, whether you played them together or seperately, you will NOT like Super Jedi, and coincedentally, you don't like platformers, either. Now go to the corner and think over what you've done. Congraturation! A winner is you! Thanks Dudes! Wanna grab a burger? Granted, Super Jedi is a bit of the 'same old, same old', borrowing its design from the first two, but Lucasarts knew that you can't mess with a good thing, and once again, they release a quality platformer with enough challenge to kill a small Wookie. The fact that Ewoks don't really annoy the shit out of you doesn't hurt, either. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am. Kev: Are you kidding? Of all the SSW games, this one is the most beautifully done. The backgrounds, the animation, everything's just gorgeous, especially the sound, which sounds spot on for 16 bit. It deviates from the story very little, they just removed most of the dialogue. Which is a good thing, because had there been dialogue we would have been subjected to yet another voice actor doing a bad Mark Hammill impression. Well... the title's no sillier than Attack of the Clones... TF: Fortunately, my friends are smart enough to know that they CAN'T imitate the Wang-less Whiner. Evoking the spirit of Mace Windu to enhance bad motherfuckerness Of course, they're also morons who didn't know Rage Against the Machine were until way into the 90's. I hang with an acceptionally sad crowd. Sometimes it's hard being a rebel. Kev: Unless you've got the Millennium Falcon, of course. Love Luke or hate him, you have to admit he became a complete badass by the time Episode 6 rolled around, and even before then, at least we can say "At least he isn't Jake Lloyd". Luckily, the only voice samples that are in the game are used sparingly, like grunts, blast noises and Jabba's laugh. Visually, SROTJ is a genuine treat, with more Mode 7 action sequences than you can shake a force pike at. They're extremely tough, but they leave you wanting more. In the platform levels, there's a lot of variety in the enemies. The level at the beginning where you fight your way through the palace reminded me of the Mos Eisley Cantina level from Super Star Wars. TF: Another regular occurance of the Super Star Wars series is the mish-mash mix of enemies new and old. And like we've stated before, the game is so well-developed, they could throw in irrelevant plot-points and it would still work. Thankfully, Lucasarts was nice enough to make as much sense of the new material as humanly possible without going overboard. So it doesn't make sense that Leia's fighting the Jabba dancing girl that gets killed in the first ten minutes of the movie, point is it's FUN. All this and girl/girl action! Kev: I don't think it's Oola. Just some generic Twi'lek chick with an affinity for legwarmers, but whatever. This game is a pure blast, and I can't say that enough. There are a few things you'll notice early on. First is the detail, second better audio samples (especially Vader's breathing and the Emperor's laughing. Creepy), and finally the character select screen is back. Including the ability to finally play as Princess Leia in not one, but three outfits. Her Boushh costume, the slave girl bikini (yum), and her Rebel commando uniform. The lightsaber looks cooler than ever before and Luke finally gets an outfit we can be proud of. I love her. TF: But as usual, if you can choose Luke, choose Luke. His lightsaber kicks more ass than anything else. That's our protip to you, the fans. It's Imperial....-too- Imperial. Kev: Nice Video Power Edge there, Johnny Arcade. Maybe it would mean something if we actually got paid to make these fucking endorsements. TF: That wouldn't be a bad idea. But we're a non-profit rant site. Kev: We should be. Money good. Luke Skywalker. Jedi, Rebel, Hell's Wampa. TF: ...Hm....well...is there anything else to add that already hasn't been in the first two reviews? Kev: Fuck yeah! Just about everything else. TF: ......Uh...Help me out here.... It's not how you rescue Han, it's whether or not you look good doing it. Kev: Alright. The game starts out just after the second scene in the movie. Leia, Chewie and Luke are racing to Jabba's palace in a very sweet-looking speeder over some rough terrain. The bulk of this stage is jumping and dodging rocks. It's not as easy as it looks. TF: Oh yeah, the story itself. I kinda forgot about that. So yeah. What a way to start. Not the best stage ever, but all them youngsters love them newfangled graphics and whatnot, so what better way to suck in the newbies than by having a mode-7 stage worth looking at. But of course, if you're a real gamer, you'll want a GAME, and that doesn't unofficially start until the second stage..... Kev: Fine, make me do all the fucking work as usual. :-). When you, as Leia or Chewie, battle your way into Jabba's palace. This is where most of the early stages take place as Leia and Chewie fight to rescue Han in carbonite and Luke fights to rescue everybody else and in between much blasting and fighting and stuff ensues. Suffice to say, you won't get bored. You'll end up fighting such familiar characters as the security eye that R2D2 and C3P0 ran into in the second scene and the Rancor where you'll then be taken to the dune sea above the pit of Carkoon to swing and slash your way to Jabba's sail barge where you'll do battle with the big slug himself. After that, it's off to Endor where you'll step into the fur of Wicket, and then to such stages as the Mode 7 speeder bike chase (tough, but fun), the Shield Generator, the Imperial landing platform (as Luke, surrendering to the Empire to get to Vader) and three stages of the Battle of Endor as Lando Calrissian in the Falcon. You'll then switch between Lando shooting at TIE fighters and Luke fighting his way up to the Emperor's throne room to fight Vader and the Emperor himself. After this is accomplished you'll be sent back to the Falcon as it fights into and escapes from the Death Star as it explodes in a shockingly perfect recreation of the battle in the innards of the Death Star, making it one of the greatest final stages of all final stages. Paul Lynde! TF: The story in a nutshell. Doesn't mean you have a reason not to see the movie though, so if you haven't, then for god sakes man, go do it! Kev: But get all three movies, then watch them back to back. You'll be a convert in no time. TF: Then play the Super Star Wars trilogy, by far the ultimate videogame trilogy. Unless Rogue Squadron has a third game that kicks the holy living hell out of Rogue Leader. Kev: That's not likely to happen, though. And actually it would be more like a fourth game if you count Battle for Naboo for the 64. TF: Ah, but I'm not. So what else are we missing? Kev: The fucking download, I think. TF: Okay, then, so closing statements. It can't be said enough times. Play the fucking game. Play the entire fucking SERIES. Watch the fucking Movies then play the fucking series again! It's that fucking cool. Fuck you very much. Kev? Kev: Yes, fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuckfuckfuck fuck fuck fuck. All profits from this review go to fight Tourette's Syndrome. TF: Right. So Super Return of the Jedi gets...surprise....five Fuckin'-A-Kumas. Take that to the bank and exchange it for a gift certificate at Toys-R-Us. You'll thank us for it. Enjoy Attack of the Clones, everybody. May the Force be with you. In the meantime.... You want this? Don't you.... Kev Knock 'em out the box, Luke. Knock 'em out. Knock 'em out the box, Luke. Knock 'em out. Knock 'em out the box, Luke. Knock 'em out... TF Taught Boba Fett everything he knows. post comment

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